Sunny Psychology
Recovery from high controlled groups
Please note
There is an overlap in information on this page and the page ‘Ritualistic abuse and recovery’. This is the case because there are many similarities between the recovery of high controlled groups and ritualistic abuse recovery due to the fact that both complex issues often involve intense persuasion in the form of some kind of mind programming and the individual leaving behind what they’ve (always) known and considered to be normal.
For the ease of writing, the term ‘high control groups’ has been chosen. However, where suited, this word can be replaced with the words ‘religious, , spiritual, political, family, medical, science or new-age’.
“Leaving was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it was the first step toward truly living. Now I can see the manipulation for what it was.”
Deconstruction of mind control programs
A short recap of the function and purpose of mind programming
A few other terms often used for mind programming are: thought reform, spiritual o r political warfare, (religious) indoctrination, propaganda, conditioning, cult programming, brainwashing and coercive persuasion. These terms reflect various ways groups and organisations may influence or control their members’ thoughts, behaviours and beliefs, often under intense (social) pressure or coercion. Such groups are called high controlled groups, or coercive groups. A coercive group can be as small as two people (e.g. within a romantic union or a parent-child relationship) and can be as large as to have millions of followers. For information on mind control programs, please see this page.
“I believed that everything I was doing was for the greater good. I was willing to sacrifice anything, even my own happiness, because I was told I was chosen. I didn’t question it because everything was explained away. My doubts were seen as a weakness.”
What if someone is still connected to the organisation?
For outsiders it is very hard to imagine that an adult keeps coming back to those who have harmed them (and sometimes their family members as well), let alone that someone would choose such a group as an adult. However, for a moment consider changing your social group’s favourite footy team, or choosing a different political affiliation than your family has followed your whole life? It will have consequences and you may not share it on your social media pages, because you know you will receive pushback. Mind control programs are a lot more intense than a favourite footy group and often involve intense psychological manipulation. They exploit techniques such as promises of healing your traumas and eternal goodness, whilst also using isolation and conditioning to override an individual’s will, to the point it can feel completely as the person’s own choice to stay or that they have no longer have a choice.
Examples of engrained beliefs are:
- Condemnation for eternity: If I leave, I’ll be condemned or cursed for eternity; I cannot risk going to hell; My soul will not be saved; No matter what, I’ll never find peace; if I turn away from the truth—hell is my only option; Rejecting these teachings means I’ll remain stuck in karmic cycles of suffering; I am abandoning my true nature, I will disrupt the natural flow of life and I will forever be out of alignment with the universe.
- This is the only and one true path: I’ve been taught that only this path leads to salvation, and all other teachings are false, and they will lead you astray; If I leave, I fear I’ll lose my connection to the divine or my spiritual purpose.; I’m told that questioning this path means I’m spiritually lost or weak; I was chosen to know the truth; no one else has access to it.
- Isolation: My family and community would reject me if I left; I’d have no one; I’ve been taught that the outside world is corrupt, and I can’t trust anyone who’s not in this belief system; I’m abandoning my dharma and bringing dishonour to my family; I’ll be disconnected from my ancestors’ blessings and will never achieve spiritual peace.
- Fear and mission: “leaving will bring spiritual punishment or harm to myself and/or my loved ones; I’ll never ascend to higher consciousness if I don’t align with this truth; I am putting my and the world’s spiritual awakening in jeopardy by questioning this path; I’ll be rejecting the mitzvot (Jewish commandments) and my role in the Jewish’ people’s mission in the world; I will lose my connection to Allah’s mercy and be cast out of paradise.
These real-life examples illustrate how deeply ingrained fear, guilt, loyalty and the threat of eternal consequences can create a powerful barrier that prevents someone from leaving a high controlled environment.
“My family had me convinced that the world outside was evil. I was terrified to step out, it felt like I was walking away from my whole identity. The hardest part was letting go of the belief that I was part of something ‘chosen’ and ‘special’. But once I left, I realised how much I had been losing by staying. I now know that true meaning comes from within me, not from a group and the freedom I found was worth every step of the painful journey.”
Additional reasons that make it difficult to leave
Family/social pressure
The involvement of family (including (grand)parents, siblings, partner and/or children) add to the difficulty of leaving a high control group. Emotional ties can be weaponised to maintain control, so that leaving may feel like betraying loved ones, leading to an overwhelming sense of loyalty, guilt and/ or obligation, which in turn can cause immense psychological and emotional strain. Add in financial dependency and possibly cultural and social illiteracy (see more on that further on this page) and someone can feel completely imprisoned.
Mental and physical overpowering
People subjected to coercive influence may have been mentally and emotionally broken down through social pressure, physical labour, sleep deprivation, repetitive messaging in the form of songs, chanting and mantras and serious financial/physical/social consequences. This can be seen in countries where Communism exists, such as North Korea, but also in high control groups. Having been broken down leads to obey commands or expectations without (much) resistance, even when those commands are harmful and when they know it doesn’t make sense. The earlier the programming starts, the more complacent the person is likely to be. Especially if deliberate dissociation is involved see HERE.
Divine authority
When a leader claims to have been appointed by a higher power such as a god or a prophet, it creates a perception of divine authority. If a leader makes followers believe that having faith in their leadership is the same as having faith in said god, it blurs the line between questioning a human leader and questioning the divine, making it harder to separate the two. This can make the leader’s words, actions and decisions seem infallible or sacred, making followers feel that challenging them would be equivalent to challenging the will of their chosen god. Many people fear spiritual punishment, damnation, or separation from a higher power if they go against a leader they believe to be divinely ordained, which in turn suppresses the person’s sense of agency and self-preservation, makes it even more difficult for them to resist or act against the will of their leaders/controllers.
Social and cultural isolation
High control groups often emphasise the importance of unity and loyalty to the leader and community. Challenging a leader can lead to exclusion from the group, resulting in social isolation, loss of support, and emotional distress, which can make it hard for someone to leave or speak out. When someone grew up in a cult or isolated environment, this can lead to what is often referred to as “cultural illiteracy” or “social illiteracy.” This term describes a lack of understanding or awareness of the broader society, culture and norms outside of the controlled environment they were raised in or chose to join. When a person is deprived of exposure to mainstream social systems, knowledge, sometimes family and general life experiences, it leaves them unaware of how the outside world functions. This can lead to difficulties in navigating everyday life, making informed decisions, and forming connections outside the group or cult.
Cognitive Dissonance
The conflict between the leader’s supposed divine authority and the individual’s own doubts or experiences can create cognitive dissonance. The follower may suppress their own concerns or questions in order to maintain inner peace and avoid the uncomfortable feeling of going against what they’ve been taught is divinely sanctioned. The more people around this individual confirm the message of the high control group, the more difficult it is to question and thus let sleeping dogs lie.
“The hardest part was letting go of the fear that kept me bound.
Once I did, I realised how much of my life had been stolen from me.”
Deconstruction of mind control programs
The deconstruction of mind control is a complex, often difficult process of reclaiming personal autonomy, critical thinking and emotional freedom.It involves recognising the manipulative tactics that were used to influence or control thoughts, behaviours and beliefs and then consciously working to undo their effects.
This process typically includes:
- Awareness: The first step is recognising that mind control or manipulation has occurred. This requires gaining insight into the ways one’s thoughts, behaviours, or beliefs were shaped by external forces, whether through trauma, coercion, or indoctrination and propaganda.
- Deconstruction of Beliefs and critical thinking: Challenging and questioning previously held beliefs that were imposed or manipulated, including religious or ideological doctrines, to allow space for independent thinking. This might involve rebuilding independent thought by questioning the beliefs instilled, critical analysis and exploring new perspectives. It may also focus on understanding the cognitive dissonance created by the mind control and addressing the emotional and psychological dependency on the controlling system.
- Healing from Trauma: Many forms of mind control involve trauma, so healing from the psychological wounds inflicted during the control process is crucial. This can involve therapy, emotional support, and addressing the emotional and psychological damage caused by manipulation.
- Restoring Personal Agency: Regaining a s ense of autonomy and control over one’s decisions, thoughts, and actions. This involves practicing self-trust and reclaiming the ability to make independent choices without external pressure.
- Rebuilding Self-Identity and reintegration into society: Individuals often lose their sense of self in highly controlling environments. Unlearning mind control requires rediscovering or reconstructing one’s authentic identity, free from imposed roles or labels. It also involves reintegration into society, forming new relationships and learning to trust others while recovering from the isolation and creating a new worldview that incorporates the outside world.
- Support Networks: Finding healthy relationships and support systems that promote critical thinking, self-expression, and emotional healing. These networks can include trusted friends, family, or therapeutic communities that encourage freedom of thought and emotional recovery.
- Patience and Compassion: The process of unlearning mind control is not quick; it requires patience, self-compassion, and a commitment to long-term healing. It’s a gradual journey that often involves setbacks but can lead to a profound sense of liberation and personal growth.
Overall, unlearning mind control is about regaining control over one’s own mind, emotions, and life choices, ultimately breaking free from the influences that sought to dominate or suppress one’s true self. It can be a long and tedious process, but a life of freedom and peace is possible.
For resources on mind control and leaving high control groups, see here.
