Sunny Psychology
Ritualistic Abuse and Recovery
“True freedom begins when we can stop living according
to someone else’s script and start writing our own.”
Please Note
There is an overlap in information on this page and the page ‘Religious trauma recovery’. This is the case because there are many similarities between religious and spiritual trauma recovery and ritualistic abuse recovery due to the fact that both complex issues often involve intense persuasion in the form of some kind of mind programming and the individual leaving behind what they’ve (always) known and considered to be normal.
Sunny Psychology
A long process...
The recovery process for survivors of ritualistic abuse is long, complex and deeply personal, requiring intense (professional) support and immense courage. No survivor chose what happened to them, yet after likely years, or even a lifetime of intense suffering, they still have to face significant challenges. They will most likely be healing from severe trauma that may involve dissociation (including memory gaps and time loss, you can read more about that HERE, Complex PTSD and often both physical and emotional scars that persist long after the abuse has ended.
What if someone is still connected to the organisation?
Survivors of ritualistic and/or religious abuse may find themselves still entangled in the systems or organisations responsible for their abuse due to fear, manipulation, programming and/or a deep sense of loyalty. These systems may exert control and pressure, making it difficult for survivors to fully disengage. This means they can still be abused, (re)programmed and coerced, even though they are now married, a parent and even highly successful in their working roles.
For outsiders it is very hard to imagine that someone, let alone an adult, keeps coming back to those who have harmed them (and sometimes their family members as well), and supposedly voluntarily return to the group or individual(s) who abuse, rape and reprogram them. As you can read HERE, mind control programs often involve intense psychological manipulation and they exploit techniques such as trauma, terrorisation through torture, isolation and conditioning to override an individual’s will. Additionally, victims, especially children, are often completely cut off from the outside world, leading them to become socially and culturally illiterate. This means that they are unaware of societal norms or basic concepts such as using a mobile phone, the internet or public transport. It can become nearly impossible to leave due to a combination of (social) isolation, trauma and deeply ingrained belief systems.
Furthermore, ritualistic abuse is often family-based or within tightly-knit, secretive groups, making the trauma even more difficult to escape. The involvement of family (including parents, siblings, partner and/or children) as victims as well as perpetrators adds to the difficulty. Emotional ties can be weaponised to maintain control, so that leaving may feel like betraying loved ones, leading to an overwhelming sense of loyalty, guilt and/ or obligation, which in turn can cause immense psychological and emotional strain. In the case of ritualistic abuse leaving can literally be a matter of life and death, for both the one who wants to leave as well as for the ones they are leaving behind. Add in financial dependency and no one to trust with your escape plans and someone can feel completely imprisoned.
“Trauma doesn’t define who you are.The way you respond to it, the way you heal, and the strength you find within yourself is what defines you.”
Deconstruction of ritualistic abuse mind control programmes
The deconstruction of between ‘regular’ mind control programmes focuses on undoing ideological conditioning, while ritualistic abuse mind control recovery involves a far deeper and more intricate process of trauma healing, dissociation integration, and reconstructing a shattered sense of self. Both processes require patience, support and often include professional help, but the intensity and scope of healing needed for ritualistic abuse are typically much more complex and extensive. For information on the deconstruction of ‘regular’ mind control programmes, please see this page.
People subjected to ritualistic abuse have been mentally and emotionally broken d own and may have been (partially) culturally and socially isolated. Deconstruction refers to the difficult, multi-layered process of unlearning through reclaiming personal autonomy, critical thinking and emotional freedom. It involves recognising the manipulative tactics that were used to influence and/or control thoughts, behaviours and beliefs and then consciously working to undo their effects by learning new information, behaviours and building an adjusted, or entirely new belief system. This process is often long, confronting, emotionally taxing and accompanied by immense grief.
Deconstruction typically includes:
- Awareness: The first step is recognising that mind control or manipulation has occurred. This requires gaining insight into the ways one’s thoughts, behaviours, or beliefs were shaped by external forces, whether through trauma, coercion, or indoctrination. This step is repeated throughout the deconstruction process, as survivors regularly become aware of new information about themselves and their past.
- Healing from Trauma: Healing from the psychological wounds inflicted during the control process is crucial, this includes addressing the emotional and psychological damage caused by manipulation. It is important to (re-)establish an understanding of personal safety and trust. Physiological healing may also be necessary and require (ongoing) medical attention.
- Rewiring the brain to allow for self-compassion: Processing the intense guilt, shame, self-blame, trauma bonding and confusion about their sense of self due to the manipulative and abusive nature of the programming. It is important to (re-)establish the individual’s capacity for self-compassion and autonomy.
- Integration of dissociative identities: In the case of ritualistic abuse, deconstruction involves reclaiming fragmented parts of the self and integrating these dissociated parts of the psyche (not into one person, but into a well-functioning System). see HERE.
- Restoring Personal Agency: Regaining a sense of autonomy and control over one’s decisions, thoughts and actions. This involves practicing self-trust and reclaiming the ability to make independent choices without external pressure, whilst also respecting the needs and wants of the internal System of identities/parts.
- Deconstruction of Beliefs: Challenging and questioning (previously held) beliefs that were imposed or manipulated, including religious or ideological doctrines, to allow space for independent thinking. This might involve critical analysis and exploring new perspectives. You can read more on this at the next point, ‘spiritual deconstruction’.
- Spiritual deconstruction: The beliefs imposed are often tied to occult practices, supernatural elements and deep-seated spiritual manipulation. Survivors may believe they are part of an elite or chosen group, or they may have been indoctrinated into a reality where the abuse and rituals are justified or necessary. It is likely that several identity parts believe their roles are very important, such as that of a high priest(ess) and without them things will fall apart. Therefore, deconstruction involves disentangling from supernatural beliefs, recognising the abuse as manipulation and healing the existential trauma caused by the belief system. This process is especially challenging because of the deep fear and spiritual manipulation involved in ritualistic abuse, but also because it is likely that many different identities will have to undergo their own deconstruction process. Identity parts are expected to feel lost without their usual ‘jobs’ and it takes time and patience to become familiar with the world as it is today. The more co-awareness and cooperation, the faster this process may be over time, however often deprogramming is a tedious and lengthy process.
- Increasing cultural and social literacy: Most survivors have been socially, educationally and culturally isolated to stay ignorant and unaware and therefore remain under control, means that a survivor needs to gain awareness of what is normal outside their group, rebuild- or develop basic emotional and social skills and knowledge of mainstream social systems so that they can learn to navigate everyday life, make informed decisions, and forming connections based on shared interests, equality and genuine kindness without wanting something in return.
“To heal from trauma, we must first recognise the power within us to change and transform. We are not victims; we are powerful beings capable of profound healing.”
Recovery Timeline and Expectations
Recovery from ritualistic abuse is not linear, which means that it does not follow a predictable path. Please understand that when a survivor attends therapy, ten, twenty, or even sixty sessions are unlikely to be enough to untangle the many, many layers of programming and increase co-awareness and interdependency between identity parts. Therapy is likely to take several years, sometimes decades. For more information on what therapy can offer and how to find the right therapist, please read this page.
There are likely to be many ups and downs and progress can feel very slow at times. It can involve periods of progress followed by setbacks, as traumatic memories and emotional wounds resurface. Symptoms such as severe anxiety, intense flashbacks and somatic pains may come and go at specific times of the year. Survivors may experience moments of clarity where they begin to process the depth of their trauma, followed by emotional breakdowns or periods of numbness. The process of healing often requires years of therapy and support outside the sessions, especially for those who have lived with trauma for much- if not all of their lives. During those years a survivor may take breaks from therapy and/or change psychologists.
A few suggestions for realistic expectations for survivors
- Non-linear progress: Healing isn’t a straight path. Survivors may experience significant improvements at times, followed by times when they feel overwhelmed by memories, triggers, or emotions. This can lead to regression and an increase in symptoms.
- Healing is long-term: Full recovery from ritualistic abuse can take years, and it is a gradual process. Progress may appear slow at times, and survivors may face emotional setbacks, but consistent therapeutic support (including EMDR, trauma-informed therapy and integration work) helps survivors rebuild their lives.
- Multiple layers of trauma: Trauma from ritualistic abuse is often layered, meaning that survivors may need to address different aspects of their trauma over time—emotional, physical, spiritual and psychological wounds.
- Dissociation and memory work: Many survivors have an extreme form of dissociation, which is an amazing protective mechanism as well as, in the case of ritualistic abuse, an intentionally created division of the mind. This can lead to “missing” memories, loud voices, spinning, infant-and toddler identity parts, flashbacks, somatic symptoms, self-harm and suicidal ideation and loss of time. All of these symptoms are expected after what the survivor has been through and they are likely to complicate the healing process. EMDR and other therapies can help to integrate fragmented memories, but this will most likely be a slow and challenging process. For more information on EMDR therapy see here and here.
- Need for patience and self-compassion: Survivors must practice patience with themselves and embrace the fact that recovery takes time. The guilt and shame of what they may have done to others under the coercion of their abusers will need to be addressed.
The impact of trauma can be lifelong: While survivors can learn to manage their trauma and live fulfilling lives, the effects of ritualistic abuse can sometimes linger. This may include ongoing emotional or physical health struggles, occasional triggers, or memories resurfacing. However, with the right tools and coping strategies, survivors can regain a sense of control and move toward healing.
“As a family member, you feel powerless. You just want to bring your loved one back,
but the truth is, they need to find their own way out.”
Realistic expectations for loved ones of survivors
Loved ones can be incredibly important, if not vital in providing emotional support, but they also need to understand that they won’t always have the answers. They may feel helpless or frustrated by the slow progress. Below are several suggestions for realistic expectations for those who care about a survivor.
- Learning about trauma and (severe) dissociation: Loved ones must educate themselves about the neurobiological effects of trauma, the symptoms of dissociation [see here for resources about dissociation link to resources page] and the recovery process, especially the impact of ritualistic abuse, dissociation and Complex PTSD. This will help them understand their loved one’s needs and behaviour better. If you do not educate yourself, you are likely to trigger the survivor without realising it, which can be unsettling for everyone involved.
- Open minded and respectful: It’s important for loved ones to create a safe space where survivors can express themselves without fear of judgment, even if they are not able to explain everything at once. The survivor does not owe you their story and if they only share snippets, please don’t take it personal. Their story is likely to be unbelievable, because the horrors they endured are unimaginable to a sane and reasonable person.
- Setting boundaries and emotional toll: The emotional toll on loved ones can be significant, especially as they see their loved one process deep pain. While supporting the survivor, loved ones may also need to set healthy boundaries to prevent becoming overwhelmed by the survivor’s emotional needs. As said before, the stories can be so horrendous to hear, that it is likely that the listener will be affected. You cannot un-hear and un-know certain things, be careful about what you ask in case you cannot hold that space. Vicarious trauma (trauma through indirect exposure) is real. Support groups for loved ones of trauma survivors can help alleviate some of this burden.
- Avoid becoming a rescuer: Loving someone does not equal neglecting your own needs. Try to avoid providing unsolicited advice, making the survivor dependent on you by thinking you know what the survivor needs. Instead, offer choices, encourage autonomy and independence and connect them with people and organisations that can help with basic needs such as housing, food and emotional support through a therapist and support groups.
EMDR therapy and Ritualistic Abuse Recovery
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy is one of the most effective therapeutic techniques for treating trauma, including complex trauma like ritualistic abuse. It’s based on the idea that trauma is stored in the brain in a way that can cause ongoing distress until it is (re)processed properly.
You can find much more information about EMDR Therapy here, here and here. On what to expect from therapy as a survivor of ritualistic abuse and how to find the right therapist, please read this page.
Note for survivors: When finding an EMDR Therapist to process memories related to ritualistic abuse, please ensure they are not only trained to treat dissociation, but that they are well informed about ritualistic abuse, or willing to educate themselves. The effects of ritualistic abuse are not part of the standard teachings to become an EMDR Therapist, including becoming an accredited practitioner or being an EMDR consultant. Even if the EMDR therapist is trained in dissociation, ritualistic abuse and its deliberate dissociation process through mind programming requires an additional skill-set to the standard basic protocol and the techniques provided with trainings such as Structural Dissociation or Internal Family Systems (IFS). Although as therapists we constantly learn from our clients, it is not your job to be the primary educator of your therapist.
