Sunny Psychology
Ritualistic abuse and therapy
Sunny Psychology
What therapy can offer
Therapy can be vital throughout the healing journey for a survivor of ritualistic abuse. From welcoming all your identity parts (yes, even the angry, demon-like ones), to holding a space for all emotions and sensations without judgement. Therapy can help survivors to recognise and challenge the psychological and emotional hold these systems may have on them, while providing tools to reclaim their sense of self and agency.
Even when someone is still connected to the group/family/organisation that abused them, having a safe, supportive space where someone listens to them, allows them to (learn to) ask critical questions and has unconditional positive regards for the stage(s) an individual is in, can be the accelerator needed to find freedom.
It is very common for those who have been ritualistically abused that they have programmes that warn them about therapists, as they have been abused by imposters pretending to be a therapist. This can be to the point of using similar techniques to hypnotherapy and EMDR therapy, before or while hurting their victim. This is why it is imperative to find a therapist who not only understands your concerns (and does not minimise them), but also takes them seriously and will go out of their way to build trust with you before working with any memories.
EMDR therapy
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Therapy is one of the most effective therapeutic techniques for treating trauma, including complex trauma like ritualistic abuse. It’s based on the idea that trauma is stored in the brain in a way that can cause ongoing distress until it is (re)processed properly.
EMDR can help survivors process disturbing memories by using bilateral stimulation (e.g., eye movements, taps or sounds) to facilitate the brain’s natural healing mechanisms and without becoming overwhelmed by emotional pain.
EMDR allows for memories that are “stuck” in the brain to be reprocessed and integrated, reducing their emotional intensity and in turn EMDR can reduce feelings of panic, shame and fear that often accompany trauma. Many survivors of ritualistic abuse experience dissociation as a coping mechanism. EMDR can help survivors reconnect with fragmented identity parts so that programmes can be deconstructed and memories can be reprocessed. Through the work of this kind of therapy, identity parts can feel connected to their loved ones, be active within society with a stable sense of self, identity parts can find a permanent safe(r) place in the internal world and have new ‘jobs’ and feel “safe enough”, or “ok” as a survivors have described it.
Note for survivors: When finding an EMDR Therapist to process memories related to ritualistic abuse, please ensure they are not only trained to treat dissociation, but that they are well informed about ritualistic abuse, or willing to educate themselves. The effects of ritualistic abuse are not part of the standard teachings to become an EMDR Therapist, including becoming an accredited practitioner or being an EMDR consultant. Even if the EMDR therapist is trained in dissociation, ritualistic abuse and its deliberate dissociation process through mind programming requires an additional skill-set to the standard basic protocol and the techniques provided with trainings such as Structural Dissociation or Internal Family Systems (IFS). Although as therapists we constantly learn from our clients, it is not your job to be the primary educator of your therapist.
What to look for in a therapist
When looking for a clinician to help you to heal from ritualistic abuse, you are looking for someone with a specific set of skills. Remember, this type of abuse was not taught about in university or even in very well established post-graduate trauma trainings. Therefore, it is important to consider the following:
- Experience with Trauma and Abuse: Ensure they have experience working with survivors of severe trauma, including ritualistic abuse, cult abuse, or complex trauma. They should be knowledgeable about the specific dynamics of these experiences.
- Specialization in Dissociation and PTSD: Ritualistic abuse often leads to dissociation and complex PTSD (C-PTSD). A psychologist with expertise in these areas can help address fragmented identities, intrusive memories and emotional dysregulation.
- Trauma-Informed Approach: They should have a trauma-informed approach, meaning they understand how trauma affects the brain, emotions and behaviour, and they create a safe, non-judgmental space for healing.
- Compassionate and Non-Directive: They should be empathetic, patient and sensitive to the survivor’s experience, while avoiding pushing or rushing the process of recovery. Healing from ritualistic abuse is a gradual and delicate process.
- Understanding of Cult Dynamics: Knowledge of how cults and abusive religious systems operate, including manipulation, control tactics and the psychological impact, can be crucial for effective treatment.
- Approachability and Trustworthiness: Trust is critical, so ensure the psychologist is someone you feel safe with, who respects your pace and boundaries.
- Therapeutic Methods: Look for a therapist trained in trauma-focused therapies such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), somatic experiencing, or Internal Family Systems (IFS), which can help integrate dissociated parts of the self and process traumatic memories.
- Collaborative Support Network: Ideally, they should be willing to work with other professionals, such as psychiatrists or support groups, to provide comprehensive care.
Finding a psychologist with these qualities can provide the support necessary to navigate the complex healing journey from ritualistic abuse.
When is a therapist not the right fit?
As a client with a history of ritualistic abuse you may recognise that a therapist is not the right fit for you if you experience one, or several of the following:
- Lack of Sensitivity to Trauma: The therapist does not seem to understand or acknowledge the severity of the trauma or minimises your experiences. This may feel dismissive or invalidating, which can deepen feelings of isolation or shame.
- Uncomfortable Pace: The therapist pressures you to move too quickly in their healing process, pushes you to confront traumatic memories before you feel ready, or doesn’t respect your boundaries.
- Judgment or Disbelief: If the therapist shows scepticism or disbelief about your experiences, particularly regarding the rituals, supernatural beliefs, or abusive practices, it can create a feeling of being misunderstood or rejected.
- Lack of Knowledge on Ritualistic Abuse or Cult Dynamics: The therapist may not be familiar with the specific psychological and emotional impacts of ritualistic abuse, which can make the treatment feel inadequate or irrelevant to your needs.
- Re-traumatization: The therapist’s approach may inadvertently re-traumatise you by using methods or language that feel too aggressive, triggering, or intrusive, especially if they don’t have trauma-informed practices in place. As scary as it may be, please speak up, so the therapist can slow the process down to a pace that is manageable for you.
- Inadequate Safety or Boundaries: The therapist may have unclear boundaries, or fail to create a safe, structured environment, which can cause you to feel unsafe or distrustful.
- Lack of Empathy or Compassion: If the therapist is not empathetic or fails to show genuine compassion, you may feel emotionally unsupported or unable to connect, which is critical in healing from such deep trauma.
- Failure to Establish Trust: Trust is essential in therapy, especially for someone healing from ritualistic abuse. If you feel you cannot build trust with the therapist, it may be a sign that the therapeutic relationship is not right for you.
A note to survivors on building trust
It is likely that as a survivor you may never trust anyone completely and this cannot be expected of you, because you have been so severely betrayed for often decades. Genuine, ongoing kindness and compassion are completely foreign to most survivors. Having many identity parts also means that trust building is a constant part of therapy, instead of just at the beginning, especially when ‘new’ parts emerge. As a survivor, ask the hard questions of your therapist, ideally at the start of your time together, as difficult as this may be. This person may become part of your life for years. You hire them, so allow time to “suss them out” and build rapport. You can start by sharing your (smaller) doubts and fears, so that the therapist is aware and can hopefully reassure you. If they are dismissive, or act superior in response to your doubts and questions, please find a different therapist who is better equipped to handle the unique challenges of healing from ritualistic abuse.
As a survivor you are sharp and trained to look for micro expressions and cracks in someone’s story. This is a survival skill and useful tool in a traumatic environment, however it is likely to give you false-positives in the outside world and possibly sabotage relationships. Including the one with your therapist, further adding to your mistrust of the world. For instance, the therapist is likely to keep certain (personal) details private (where they live, what they did on the weekend, the ages of their children), but that does not mean that they are connected to the organisation or that they cannot be trusted. It will be tricky for you to find a balance between being open and honest, whilst also holding some cards close to your chest for maybe years to come, or forever. This is why it is important to ask your therapist questions, so that you can learn from- and with them what it is like to be accepted and heard. Please know, as strange as this may sound to you, you are not obliged to share anything you don’t want to, your wellbeing is the priority in therapy and you set the pace of the process.
